The posts I’m afraid to write…
I’ve been having a quiet spiritual crisis over the past few weeks. Not in a bad way, or even in a way that has me questioning my faith. I’ve talked to a few friends about it, and I’ve been praying about it. But today, in church, after listening to the pastor preach about being obedient to God’s call, I realized that it’s time to share what I’ve been thinking about.
There’s a lot going on in my head, and in my heart, about faith these days, and things I want to say. Things I’m afraid to say to anyone except my closest friends. I know that if I say it publicly, some people will be happy about my words, but a lot of others will be mad. I’ve faced enough rejection in my life that I don’t want to say a bunch of stuff that’ll make people mad. Which is a safe way to live, I guess, but it’s not very honest.
The truth is, I’m angry. And I’m hurt. And I’m caught in this place of trying to reconcile a faith and a God that I love with a bunch of people who act like jerks in God’s name. I don’t think they mean to be jerks. I think that they think, in their own way, that they’re doing what God wants them to do.
So I’m going to be more honest… and I’m going to talk about the real things going on in my heart that I’ve been afraid to share. I’m sorry if it pisses anyone off. But if I want to live more like Jesus, then I can’t be afraid of upsetting people. If he’d given in to that fear, would we be here today?
In the spirit of sharing the things I’m afraid to share, here’s the thought that’s keeping me up tonight: Today, some nutcase shot up a Sikh temple. Not one of my friends, Christian or not, has posted any sympathies or anything to indicate that they care. One person did post a scathing comment blaming it on intolerant Christians- but that’s it. (And I find the intolerance comment offensive, BTW. Not only has it not been said that whoever did it was a Christian, but let’s not use one person’s actions as an excuse to attack an entire religion. That’s what causes hate crimes to begin with.) When Aurora shooting tragedy happened a couple weeks ago, my Facebook was filled with posts from all sorts of people upset over the tragedy. Why aren’t we all more upset over this shooting?
Today, families lost people they dearly love. There is a community of people devastated by a horrible crime. I really don’t care that they aren’t Christians. They are human beings, and God loves them just as much as He loves us. I’ve never been one of those people who goes out and tries to comfort shooting victims. I’m not really good at that. But right now, I’m so angry that we’re not more angry about yet another shooting, that if I lived in their community, I’d be bringing them meals or whatever you do in these situations. I am a Christian woman, and I love that Sikh community just as much as I love anyone else. God loves them too.
Compassion isn’t just about loving people who are like us, but it’s about daring to reach out to those who are different, and accepting them anyway. I have yet to find any information about donations to help those affected by this tragedy, but I personally plan on doing what I can to help. I hope you will consider doing the same.